What Are You Actually Hungry For?

‘Tauna, they make $50K a month and they’re spending $60K. Every month they have to pull from investments to break even. My friend said his wife is constantly buying stuff, especially from Amazon. A lot of stuff, like 90 Amazon orders just this month!’

That’s what an acquaintance told me when he shared how concerned he was for his friend.

At first, I thought the same thing you may have thought when you read it…How Does Anyone Overspend on $50K A Month? The truth is, this is just a magnified example of a common situation facing many households– spending more than we make.

This is a story I hear so often. The income is being outpaced by the spending.

Each. And. Every. Month.

Without a change in direction, the gap between income and spending quietly grows — and one day the numbers make it impossible to ignore.

What I've noticed across nearly every client situation — singles, single parents, couples — is the same thread, regardless of income or debt level. There's an underlying awareness, almost a sixth sense, that more is going out than is coming in and they can feel it. But when confronted with the actual numbers, they dig in. Cutting expenses isn't just uncomfortable, it feels impossible. The idea that spending has to change, not income, feels like an accusation.

They don't feel this because I say it in an accusatory way or point a wagging finger. It's because seeing things clearly, in black and white, strips away the excuses they've been telling themselves. And deep down, most of them already knew.

Once they see the disparity, the most frequent response is 'I just need to make more money.' Yes, making more money can only help, but that isn't the first place I go. Finding a second job or asking for a raise takes time, and the changes that need to happen can't wait for a raise to come through.

When I heard about the couple making $50K and spending $60K, and how the wife's spending kept coming up in the conversation, I asked…'Is she lonely?' My acquaintance sat there speechless, and when he came back to himself, all he did was give a slow nod of understanding. He realized that there may be a deeper reason for the financial strain and that the wife’s spending was only a symptom and not necessarily the illness.

It’s like when you go on a diet and you have a fridge full of healthy food, but you stand there examining each option without any of them looking good. Chances are you aren’t actually hungry. You’re bored, lonely, looking for a way to celebrate. None of those is “hunger”– your stomach isn’t growling. It’s a different kind of hunger, one that’s more tied to emotions and habits.

There’s a similar hunger here and for nearly all the same reasons. Those Amazon purchases that are so easily added to a cart, the subscription to another app that will fill your time, the outfit …or that new supplement… you're convinced will make you feel like yourself again. They all feed a need, but not necessarily the one you had in mind when you justified the purchase. And sometimes the problem isn't just what we're actively spending today — it's the accumulated expenses we forgot we signed up for long ago.

Loneliness, boredom, fear of missing out, and the ‘you only live once” mentality are at the heart of this hunger. It’s not really about the stuff or the thing you purchased. It’s about a void we feel, and no matter how much we buy or accumulate, none of it will fill it.

It could actually do the opposite. Not only will it not help us feel more connected, it might make us more disconnected. Our time may be filled but not with things that give us meaning. All of the accumulated things, and the cost of them, become a heavy burden simply because of the sheer need to manage them all.

Unburdening ourselves means taking inventory of what we have and why, and cutting what isn't actually feeding the hunger we have. This means holding everything in our hands, physically or metaphorically, and asking, in the Marie Kondo fashion, if it brings you joy. I would go further and ask: is this expense serving me?

If your expenses are outpacing your income, 'is this serving me' has to mean more than 'I want it.' It has to mean that the expense fits into the financial picture right now. It means that you make a plan for your money before you have it in hand, and that expense either was directly planned for or it fits in a planned category that has room for it.

This is what it means to live within your means, and with time and practice you will also create margin. Margin is what breaks the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle and allows you to meet your immediate needs, your near future goals, and your long term goals too. But you have to start with removing, and not adding, things and expenses that aren’t serving this vision for the future.

What I've seen, when someone finally stops digging their heels in and actually looks at their bank and credit card statements, is surprise. There are subscriptions they don't recognize, charges they forgot about, and when they add up the totals, the number is almost always more than they expected. But here's what's also true: they don't have to cut everything. They get to choose. Whittling down each category can create more breathing room than they thought possible. And that choice, the sense of 'hey, I can do this,' makes them start believing they can actually turn the situation around. They quickly start to see progress and possibilities. They quickly start to see progress and possibilities.

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What To Do Now

You already know what to do. Go through your expenses — the ones you use regularly and the ones you forgot about — and ask one question of each: Is this serving the future I'm building? The ones that don't make the cut don't have to go all at once. Start with one category. One subscription. One habit. The point isn't perfection. It's momentum.*

If you find yourself stuck — if the thought of cutting anything feels impossible, or if you're not even sure where to start — that's exactly what a strategy session is for. Let's look at your numbers together and find where the breathing room actually is.